


Three People Who Walked In On Hellboy and Myers Having Sex (and One Who Didn't Need To)

by misura



Category: Hellboy (Movies)
Genre: Community: springkink, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-05
Updated: 2012-05-05
Packaged: 2017-11-04 20:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/398104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[what it says on the tin]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three People Who Walked In On Hellboy and Myers Having Sex (and One Who Didn't Need To)

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: _Hellboy/John Myers: Caught in the act - This was not how he imagined coming out_

.01 _Liz Sherman_

"Hey, Red, have you seen - _fuck_!"

"Yeah," Hellboy said, "so I guess that line about how this isn't what it looks like isn't going to fly, huh? First guess, and you nailed it."

Myers was still half-dressed, which didn't keep him from blushing. "You were looking for something?"

"Some _one_ , actually." They didn't look good together, exactly. They looked _weird_ together. Big Red was, well, big. And red. And Myers was neither, no matter how flushed his face got. "Guess I found him."

" _Liz._ " His tail was swishing. It was never a good sign when it did that. "Not _now_? Please?"

"It's fine," Myers said, reaching for his shirt, clearly oblivious to the tail thing. "Just let me - "

"You leave, you can sleep on the couch. For the rest of the _month_."

Myers brushed a hand through his hair. It still looked messy. "All right."

("He means it when he says stuff like that, you know," Liz said, because Myers was in way over his head; not fire-resistant, not a freak, not anything _like_ the rest of them. He needed all the advantages he could get. "He'll get grumpy and cranky and feel sorry for himself, but he won't actually take it back.")

("Well, it's the 30th today, so I don't think it's going to be a problem," Myers said.)

 

.02 _the cats_

Lots of folks didn't get the cat thing. Thought he was doing it for the cats or something, instead of for himself, because he liked the company, and the sound they made when they were happy.

Cats were easy that way; you knew where you stood with them.

"Look, Myers, they're _cats_ , all right?"

"It's just - " Myers said, which was clear as mud. "I'm worried I might step on one."

 _Liar_ , thought Hellboy, even if what he said was: "Yeah, okay, fair enough. Wouldn't want that."

The problem was, of course, that there wasn't actually anywhere else to put them; he couldn't exactly just kick them out of here and hope for the best. "Look, I'll put them over here, how's that?"

Out of sight, out of mind, apparently, because Myers looked relieved. "That's fine. Thanks."

"All right, now where were we again?"

(Naturally, they woke up covered in cats. Myers was a bit of a slow awakener though, so by the time he was awake enough to string sentences together, they were hot on the trail of some creeper-jeeper, with no real time or chance to talk about the cat thing.)

 

.03 _Tom Manning_

"Oh my god," Manning said. "Oh. My. God."

They'd put up a _sign_ , for fuck's sake. On the door, plain as day. 'Do Not Disturb', it said, and someone whose handwriting looked remarkably like Liz's had added 'Already Disturbed'.

" _What_?"

Manning was staring. At Myers, to be precise. Hellboy picked up a shirt with his tail and tossed it to Myers. Guy really didn't deserve having his junk checked out by Manning.

"You guys are using lube, right?" Manning asked. "And, also very important, condoms? Safe, consensual sex is just the way we like to see things around here."

Hellboy considered taking offense, then decided what the hell, it was just Manning. "Do we? Damn."

"Don't joke," Manning said. "Sex is a very serious business, all right? This is big. This is _huge_. The press catches wind of this, there's going to be rumbling in the jungle."

"Whatever. Can you go away now?"

Manning went.

("At least he didn't fire me or anything," Myers said, clearly _not_ being an optimist, for once.)

("Not as if I'd let him," Hellboy said. "Don't worry, John; long as I'm happy, your job's safe. So how about getting on with making me happy, huh?")

 

_the one who didn't need to_

.01 _Abe Sapien_

"You and - oh, my."

Myers grinned a bit sheepishly and turned the pages for the four books Abe was currently reading. "Yeah. You could say that."

"And then he put his - oh, my."

Myers blinked. "You're not - are you?"

"I quite literally can't help it," Abe said. "I am deeply apologetic. You may, of course, rely on my discretion."

"Thanks."

("Why'd you think I haven't gone down there for a good while?" Hellboy asked.)

("No particular reason. Hadn't really thought about it.")

("Maybe all this sex is rotting your brains.")


End file.
